Homeless!

I'm not sick anymore yay! Although I am kind of homesick...ish.

Is it possible to feel homesick without having a home? I kind of liken it to getting stuck in the middle of like a hurricane or a whirlpool or black hole and you know spinning around and knowing you're spinning around something but you can't really grasp it as a physical thing.

That's a poor analogy. It's like you're looking for a sense but it's not anywhere. Forget the where your heart crap. I'm just kind of frustrated at not having a place where I can have my stuff and eat nice food and take comfortable showers, with possibly the additional luxury of being able to feel totally safe and at ease and warm enough to call the place "home."

Instead, I get to move between on-campus dormitories for four years, and spend thanksgiving breaks, four spring breaks, four month-long winter breaks, and three several-months-long summer breaks not knowing where to go or whom to stay with or what to do. Which, I can assure you, is not fun.

Also not fun: having pretty much no idea what to answer when people ask where you're from. I think I'm going to start saying I'm literally homeless, moving from cardboard box to cardboard box, dancing for money, while not at school. Just to see people's reactions. And honestly, on some level I do kinda wish I were homeless because a) that would be kind of cool and fun apart from the being a bum part, and b) at least then I would have some fucking concrete idea about my place of residence.

And don't get me started on "address" on official documents etc.

For those unaware, after my dad died and I finished high school, my mom, for reasons to this day completely a mystery to me, moved to her parents' (well, mother's, technically, now) house in India. While I would spend four years at college. Because apparently that's what's best. Anyway point is I have no place to easily stay at while not at school. Yay.

I guess I shouldn't complain. I mean think about all the starving people in Africa. And the people who really don't have homes. And the people who've been forced into organ-harvesting colonies on the moon. Compared to them I probably have it pretty well off. And maybe I could rent an apartment with some sketchy dudes in some town where the rent isn't insanely fucking high where I could microwave myself hundreds of cups of instant noodles and hundreds of pb&j sandwiches and stuff.

But I mean jeez I'm only eighteen and I can't do stuff like that I can barely do my own laundry how am I expected to deal with all of this why can't my mommy just get a job and get a home that I can go to accessibly :(